1 Peter 3:3–4
Oh this journey is never ending. I find myself mastering one thing and 10 more things pop up that I need to work on. Being a wife can be hard but it a joy too. Don't get me wrong I love being a wife but in the last year I have been striving to be a wife of the Word not a wife of the World. This is a hard thing because we see it all the time being a wife as a status rather than the actual task and role of being a wife. This can cause stress in the marriage and as a person who always seeks self improvement, I have read probably 20 different things on improving our marriage rather than nipping the real issue in the butt. The book and advise I was seeking, was right in front of me and once again overlooked it. Until the night Derrick and I had a huge fight over nothing. It was so petty. It was God was shaking our house saying LOOK CLOSER!! So the next day I called our church to see if our pastor had time too talk to us.
The answer was right in front of our faces instead of looking to others, self help books, and articles on marriage. We should of been looking in the Bible. We should of been seeking help from God, not others. As a person who has studied many different types of relationships, marriage classes, communication classes, and family development. I feel that I sometimes forget that God and his word is what I need to focus on. So we started to discuss what we viewed as a huge problem ( turned into being such a small problem.) Our pastor started talking about leading and Derricks job as the leader of the house. How God commands him to love me all the time, everyday, whether I am moody or the house isn't perfect. Commanding Derrick to love me! How wonderful is that. Then we moved to me, and talked about me respecting my husband everyday, every single day, whether his day is rough and he might be grumpy, or he is sick and tired. I need to respect him.
Pastor Sam talked about how women and men are different, my favorite example he used is men are like a coffee thermos, when they drink out of them driving they just chuck the thermos in the back of the car when they are finished. Why? because men are strong, sturdy and they are made different. Women are like a wine glass we are fragile and need to be treated different more gentle, loving and special. Why? because we are different. You don't just drink coffee out of a wine glass driving down the road and when you finish chuck it in the back of the car. Why? because it would break! Wine glasses are placed in a special place so they don't break.
So breaking down further into our tiny issues, I realized that where I thrive at is taking care of our children, cooking, and cleaning. But I fall short in organization which is something Derrick needs. Something my husband needs! Let me say this again HE NEEDS. I just felt he was "nagging" at me for nothing. I never thought about it as some thing he saw as a respect issue. He needs his home to be a safe haven from the world. A place he arrives home and feels relaxing. This at first felt like he was attacking me as a Wife and a Mother. It felt insulting. I knew in my heart that it was me being disrespectful. We talked about how him showing me constant love would lower my ability to be hostile to be upset, me showing him constant respect and making sure what he feels as a priority gets accomplished. I thought this must be a joke but I will do it I want us to be happy and not bickering at each other constantly. I love my husband and I want him to feel love and respect and I want to feel the same way. We came up with a game plan to explore working on more love and more respect and of course more prayer and more God. I am a strong believer that counseling is good, its not a sign of the weak. We need to seek help when we see even the smallest issue because it could burst into something worse. Such as hidden sin but that's for another post.
Derrick made some huge changes making sure to communicate love to me. Which gave me no reason to complain because he was being so kind and loving. ( He brought me flowers he kisses me first when he comes home. He holds my hand in public. He tells me every morning night and afternoon how much he loves me.) We both were watching our tongue what we said. Taking a second to think is this loving is this respectful? Things for us couldn't be better! We are completely happy but it took change, it took humbling ourselves and living less prideful. It took us putting God first and then each other.
A wise woman builds up her husband, but a foolish one tears him down.
Proverbs 14:1
The truth was I was not being gentle and quiet in a way that would communicate the right way to God and my husband. Since this all happened I have made some great changes in my life.
1. I pray every morning for my husband. I pray that the world won't hinder his spirit. That he will strive and excel in the way the Lord intends.
2. I pray for our family.
3. I make the bed, I work harder than ever before to make sure each room is picked up constantly. To create a warm environment that all will feel peace and comfort when visiting. (this is hard with two little ones running around that are under age 3) It is possible.
4. I have devoted at least 15 minutes to an hour every night to study the word of god and read.
5. I deleted instagram, twitter and Facebook off my phone. I still use social media but only in my office so that minimal time is devoted to the outside world. With this I found myself with more time, I didn't realize that social media was robbing my family of my time. (Derricks biggest pet peeve was if I was looking at my phone) So poof I eliminated the source of conflict.
6. I Made big changes to focusing our house on God and less focus on the world.
7. We started to say our prayers before bed. ( this has been so much fun for Lilah she just loves saying her prayers.)
8. Eliminating many cartoons I allowed the girls to watch to just Disney movies and veggie tales. (Keeping less of the world out of our house.)
9. Stopped yelling ( This one is hard because I found myself raising my voice when I was stressed this isn't kind or loving) Yelling is a sin. It is speaking with rage, even if it is a little moment. This is a constant thing I have to repeat to myself. I have to remind myself that being gentle and quiet doesn't make me an ineffective parent it makes me a better parent and a better wife.
10. Choosing my battles, is it worth it? is it respectful? Is it kind? is it that important? or is it just my pride getting in the way?
So if anyone is having the same type of issues a great chapter to read in the Bible is Proverbs 31. It is amazing it is like a how too for women. I have taken this last month and been reading all of proverbs and this book has so many key things we deal with in day to day life in this world.
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