Laying on the bathroom floor

After month and months of thinking. I am beyond sure I will not be able to keep up with my YouTube channel. Saddening as that is I just have so much going on with the girls. It weighs heavy on my heart since I was so passionate about it and maybe when time slows down I could catch up but the only possible ways to make videos would be nap time and that rarely happens these days.

So rather then completely disappear I thought how can I express myself and keep up on being a busy mommy? I thought about it I could blog.

Why not.

So update in our super busy life. Going on second year of marriage strong as ever. Staying strong in our faith because God is so wonderful and strong. Kaylie's kidneys drained. How wonderful is that? It is so amazing and God is so beyond good! He blessed us with two amazing little girls. Lilah is at the fun age of 2 1/2 years old which of course is the terrible two's! She is talking up a storm and testing my patience every day.

She has decided to give up naps unless I am not watching any of her little friend ( been running a home daycare) If her friends are not here then I can take her for a long drive that puts both her and Kaylie asleep. Those days are so peaceful. Because no naps is torture.

I found myself last week on my knees bawling in our bathroom on the floor. Lilah had this cold stuck in her lungs for over 5 weeks her cough began to pick up at night. The more she coughed the less she slept.I did everything from humidifiers to vics you name it I did it. Nothing worked and the less she slept the grumpier she got. This  particular Tuesday was so hard and emotionally stressful. Her fight for independence and her fight to insist she needed no nap. Broke me it literally broke me down.

I could not help but fall to my knees deep in prayer and deep in tears. I asked god over and over help me please help me give me the patience to make it through the day. I begged forgiveness since I lost my temper and yelled at Lilah not just yelled but really YELLED close to SCREAM. My heart was so broken. How can I teach my daughter patience if her mother lost her temper. I felt like the world is on my shoulders and poor Kaylie is just teething and crying in pain. I knew right then the to look unto the Lord for guidance.

I felt this weight slowly lifting and had this feeling God was telling me keep calm and go for a drive. I kept dreading the thought of loading both the girls into the car dealing with all the chaos since everyone is very grumpy and in a sour mood. But something was just pulling me to get my keys and  forget the diaper bag, the bottles, the sippy cups, and the toys.


I just put Kaylie bear in her car seat, and swooped up Lilah. Took them to the car with only my sunglasses, wallet and keys in hand. This was the lightest load I have carried to the car since June of last year. I was not sure where I was going to go but I was going! I just started to drive thinking about grabbing some coffee or a soda. Mean while the new frozen sound track was on. Lilah kept asking me to repeat playing Frozen Heart. The song at the very beginning of the movie when they are sawing the ice. It is her favorite song. Well after about fifteen minutes the car grew very quiet.

I took a look in the rear view mirror and discovered Kaylie had fallen asleep. Mind you with teething for over two months she could literally only sleep for ten minutes to maybe a half an hour and then wake up in pain. She fell asleep with out me bouncing her for two hours and singing to her. She fell asleep!!! Peacefully asleep. I looked to the left and Lilah was sound asleep. SOUND ASLEEP! The two year old who would scream and holler about the mention of nap time. The one who could stay awake even after 20 nap time stories....

She was asleep sound asleep. I turned the music off this was the first silence I had found out side of 3 am in our house. It was so quiet in the truck I decided why chance it and kept driving. Picked up a soda from  Sonic. Drove past this crafting store I have wanted to see for over 6 months. I sat at a park and watched the birds fly by. I was able to think. REALLY THINK! I knew God had answered my prayers. When I was at my whits end and there was nothing left in me to give. He calmed me down. He lowered my anxiety and helped me regain my patience. God is so good!

Everyday for the rest of the week. I just packed them all up at 2 pm and took them for a drive. Each time they both fell completely asleep. Regardless of Lilah not feeling well she actually took six naps in the week. My darken circles around my eyes began to fade. Kaylie became a happier baby. She began to regain a schedule. She started to take two long naps one in the morning and one in the afternoon. A short nap after dinner and the first time in 9 months she slept through the night. The whole night.

Not only did they nap they were in such a great mood waking up we went to that craft store. We picked out a craft together. In the first time in over 6 months I was able to pick back up on my hobby. I was able to craft. After the girls fell asleep I quietly brought them inside and laid them down. They slept 2 plus hours and in that time I was actually able to craft! I felt to unstressed after taking some time for me. I use to throw myself into making videos to have "me time" but now its hard to find time to pee alone. Let alone a couple of hours to film.... So crafting and blogging is going to be my new release. To help me journal my thoughts and feelings but still able to help other moms out like my videos did. When we find ourselves broken and unable to speak we need to find that quiet little place whether it be in a closet the bathroom or next to the crib. Fall onto our knees and pray for the Lord will provide we just have to listen carefully.